In 2012, I decided to write a book about my story. I have been through a lot in my life and I knew deep inside, what I had to say, needed to be shared. To say that I was afraid would be an understatement.
The seed began to grow as I was in training to become a life coach. I have a clear memory of the day that I began to create out loud what the plan would look like. We were being trained in an exercise that basically has you create a step by step plan through movement, visioning your goals, your steps and the language you were going to use to do it. At the end of the exercise, I could envision my book launch. I remember it so clearly. I was seeing myself on stage wearing a yellow blouse with a black pencil skirt and I was speaking to a crowd of family and friends. It was palpable.
That being said, it’s not like I ran home and began to write immediately. Like most things that happen to us in life, I was excited in the moment and then it faded away, pushed back by concern and fear and life in general. Yet, it was always lingering in the back of my mind, a soft whisper that I would hear every now and again reminding me that I wanted to write this book.
Soon enough the whisper got louder and louder and I shared my desire with my cousin. I was a little disappointed in her reaction, she wasn’t really overjoyed yet I understood her reasons. Telling my story publicly could really have an impact on the family and from her perspective, she was concerned for the health of her father, my uncle, because he is a heart patient. This concern became my concern and muted the whisper for some time and then it started up again. I happened to be speaking to a friend and I blurted out that I wanted to write my story and I shared my cousin’s concerns as well as mine and she gave me some great advice: “Nina why don’t you just write it for yourself and once you’re finished, if you want to have it published, then do so.”
I was still hesitant though. I was drowning in concern. This caused me to put off writing my book for over 2 years. I have always been considerate of other people’s feelings and if the truth be told, I just didn’t want to rock the boat. I didn’t want to upset my family or cause them any embarrassment by sharing.
Then one day in October of 2013, I attended a Women’s Empowerment Event. It was one of those sell from the stage events and yet I was drawn in immediately when one of the presenters was talking about the power of writing your story and he had what I thought was a reasonably priced self publishing program that would get my book on Amazon if I signed up for it.
I was so excited and then when I told my husband that I had purchased this online system that would help me write my book, he was furious. It was not a small amount of money and I didn’t consult with him before the purchase because he was on vacation. Not having the opportunity to discuss it with him, I made an executive decision.
Then, I sat on it for another 6 months. I was extremely nervous, anxious and terrified. I kept thinking about what the impact would be on my family if they all knew my story. Finally, I was not able to put it off any longer since the soft whisper had turned into a loud scream. I made a bold move to start working part-time instead of full-time at my job, and in May of 2014, I began to write my book. By August, I had finished writing and it was time to move into the publishing phase. At this, I encountered hard STOP or what I determined to be a stop since I had to tell my extended family about the skeletons in the closest that I had written about. I didn’t want them to read about it in a book. So, I called my cousins and arranged to get together to tell them and to figure out how to tell our elders … my Aunts and Uncles. I was pleasantly surprised by their reaction and support. Together as a family, we decided that my cousins would tell their respective parents.
On December 5, 2015, my book, Confessions of a Can’t-aholic was launched to a room filled with family, friends and acquaintances. It’s a moment in my life that I’ll never forget.
My advice to anyone who is afraid to tell their story, please continue to share with those people who are close to you. And, if you fear that someone will be affected by your words, approach them. I was so thankful that I did just that. And remember, You Can.
If interested, my book is available for purchase on Amazon: https://www.amazon.ca/Confessions-Cant-aholic-How-cant-can/dp/1928155863
